Today was my grandson’s due date. Instead of being at the hospital with my daughter to welcome him into our family, my husband, younger daughter, and I took our bistro table and set it beside his grave. We had dinner and birthday cake and took photos to send to his mom in Hawaii. We placed a baby boy balloon and carnations upon his tiny grave and prayed to our Heavenly Father to let our Mikey Joe know that we love and miss him. It was a very somber and difficult day.
When Mikey Joe passed five months ago, my world stopped. It has been reeling ever since. My concentration has suffered, my stamina has suffered, and I find that things that used to matter a great deal to me now are mediocre and somewhat unimportant. I find that I do not wake up every morning ready to jump out of bed and begin my day. I do not attack my work with fervor as I once did. Even lifelong habits, like applying my make-up, fall out of order and are disorganized. His tiny little life inside of his mother’s womb affected my life ever so deeply. Only my belief that we will reunite as a family in God’s presence keeps my life going.
As I prepared for bed, I checked social media and saw this post from his mother. As her mother, my heart breaks for the pain she suffers. I know it pales compared to my own.
“Five months ago I gave birth to a baby boy. He was so beautiful and precious. I counted each of his ten fingers and toes. I traced the inside of his ears. I kissed every inch of him. I held him for hours. But I did not bring him home. Before I handed my son’s lifeless little body to the hospital morgue, I whispered in his ear, “Mommy loves you, baby.”
My heart has never been so full yet empty since I lost my sweet Mikey Joe. I labored for hours, I gave birth, yet I went home with empty arms. I remember the next morning breathing a sigh of relief. I thought it was all just a horrible dream. Then it all came flooding back. The next few days were pure misery. We flew to Texas, and we buried our son.
Today’s was Mikey’s due date. The day has been filled with many tears for us. But we have found some comfort. We know that families can be together forever. We know that Mikey is not lost to us and that we will see him again. We will hold him again. And all will be made right if we remain faithful.
Mikey baby, know that mommy loves you. And that my heart aches every minute of every day without you. I long for the day when you are in my arms again. I love you, baby.”
Losing a baby is such a sad experience. You prepare for his/her arrival, you love him/her so deeply, and you anticipate holding him/her in your arms. Then suddenly for no reason at all, your dreams and plans dissipate as you bury him/her deep within the earth. You never have the opportunity to tell him/her of the blessings he/she brought your way nor of the happiness and love that grew in your soul. And now, our family must wait with patience and faith until the day that our yearning and pain will cease – the day that we join him in heaven to be together forever.
If you have lost a baby, I offer my deepest condolences. If you know of someone who has lost a baby, please take a moment to offer a tiny prayer for their tiny bundle of joy, and ask that comfort and peace will heal their heartache and broken souls.
My daughter told me something as we buried her tiny son. She said, “Mom, I feel and count on each and every prayer offered on my behalf. It helps me live on.”
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Managing Funeral Director (FDIC) and owner of Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City, Texas, professional artist, co-founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp, author, and syndicated columnist. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate survivors toward positive recovery.
It is my life’s work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
For additional encouragement, read other articles or watch video “Grief Briefs,” please go to my website at www.MourningCoffee.com.